i don’t speak legalese so i’ll just write this in a way that normal humans can understand lol:

by reading morning wood (this newsletter) you agree that i’m not responsible for you doing any dumbass shit, including (but not limited to):

• taking any of my lessons as personal advice

• having uncontrollable steez

• girls blowing up your phone for being so hot

• any form of harm/injury/death/financial loss/pregnancy/emotional distress/trauma/

morning wood — terms of service

last updated: 11/22/2025

i don’t speak legalese so i’ll just write this in a way that normal humans can understand lol.

by reading, subscribing to, or interacting with morning wood, you agree to the following terms:

1. what this newsletter is

• a bunch of words i write on the internet

2. what this newsletter is not

• worth taking seriously

• personal advice

• financial advice

• medical advice

• legal advice

• psychological counselling

• relationship coaching

• life-or-death guidance

• a prophecy about your future

if you treat anything i say like gospel, you’re cooked.

3. what i’m not responsible for

by reading morning wood, you agree that i’m not responsible for any of the following, including but absolutely not limited to:

• you doing dumbass shit

• you misunderstanding a metaphor and turning it into a lifestyle

• uncontrollable steez, aura, swag, or any other rise in personal hotness

• jealous partners, friends, or enemies

• girls blowing up your phone

• any form of injury, harm, heartbreak, emotional distress

• financial loss, bad decisions, or catastrophic “hold my beer” moments

• pregnancy (seriously, no)

• trauma, ego death, spiritual awakening, existential crisis

• anything that happens because you misread, over-read, or didn’t read at all

you are responsible for your own actions, your own choices, and your own life.

i am literally a monkey with wifi.

4. user conduct

you agree not to:

• abuse, spam, or harass me or other readers

• copy/paste my writing and claim it as your own

• use the newsletter for any illegal or shady activity

• send me your crypto scheme

• weaponize my words in any argument with your gf, boss, or mother

5. intellectual property

everything i write here is mine so don’t steal it lol.

that includes shit like reposting my work as your own, selling it, repackaging it, acting like you wrote it, etc.

you can quote or share parts with credit and a link back.

6. subscriptions + emails

by subscribing, you agree that i can send you emails. you can unsubscribe anytime by clicking the link at the bottom. no drama (i will just cry a little bit).

7. changes to these terms

i can update this terms of service whenever i want. if i do, the updated version becomes the new rules the moment it’s posted.

8. governing law

these terms are governed by the laws of Ontario, Canada (that’s where i am).

9. acceptance

if you read this newsletter, you automatically agree to all of the above. if you don’t agree, unsubscribe. it’s free.

ok i think that covers my ass.

i hope i never have to read through these in court because that would suck & also i wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face if i heard a lawyer say ‘uncontrollable steez’ lol.

~ liam (: